Where was I?

I was at home in the shower when the first plane hit.  I got out of the shower and got dressed still clueless as to what had happened.  I was barely 20 years old and very naive about the world and all of it's politics.  I was brushing my teeth when the second plane hit.  The phone rang and I ran to get it because I knew it would be Chris.  He said "What are you doing?" and I answered "Brushing my teeth, why?"  Chris told me to turn on the news because someone had flown two planes into the World Trade Center towers.

This is how naive I was....  I didn't even know what channel the news was on.  I wasn't much of a TV watcher and if I did sit down in front of the TV it wasn't to watch the news.  I really didn't know what the World Trade Center was.  I mean, I had seen the towers on TV and in pictures and I had heard of them but when Chris said that the Twin Towers had been hit by planes it didn't sink in what had happened.

I turned on the news and saw the all of that black smoke against that clear blue sky.  My stomach jumped to my throat because I thought of all those people in those buildings.  Chris kept saying that he couldn't believe something like this could happen.  I asked what he meant and he said "Bin Laden did this, America has been attacked!"  I had no idea who that was and why this would happen. 

Seriously????  I never thought I'd see our country attacked.  I was suddenly scared.  I was home alone...my Mom at work and my brother at school.

I don't think I had ever even used the words "terrorist" and "attack" in the same sentence.  I hung up with Chris, finished getting ready and headed over to his apartment.  I remember the drive was quiet.  There weren't many cars on the road and all the radio stations had switched over to the news.  When I got to Chris's apartment I was still a little confused.  He gave me a hug and kiss but he squeezed a little longer than normal.  I sat on the couch with him and watched the news.  Things just kept adding up...a plane at the pentagon...a plane down in Pennsylvania.  We didn't talk really...just stared at the TV.  And then the first tower fell.  I remember this part so vividly.  Chris had gotten up and walked to the kitchen and Sheppard Smith was on the news reporting and in the top corner of the TV was a picture in picture of the towers with smoke billowing from them.  I saw the first tower start to collapse.  I just said "Oh my God, Chris come here."  He rushed over and said "What exactly am I looking at?"  And I couldn't even respond.  And that is when the gravity of that day hit me and it hit me hard.

............

I had gotten up late that morning because I had the day off of work.  I worked at A Child's World watching toddlers and I had taken that Tuesday off because some very good friends of our family, that live in Canada, had come in town to visit on the evening of Monday, September 10, 2001.  They were only staying for a couple of days and we hadn't seen Joanne in seventeen years. This is the first time we had met her family.  We had very much been looking forward to this visit for months and I had planned on spending the day at my Grandma's house with them.  I did eventually go over there and spend some time but it was hard to focus on visiting with them when all I wanted to do was watch the news.

Joanne, Joey, Janet, and Brad had driven all the way from Canada to Disney World for a week and on their way back they stopped here to visit.  I still offered to spend the day taking them around town and doing whatever they wanted to do but the gravity of the situation had taken it's toll.  I put on my happy face and we all piled into my little civic.  We drove to the mall - it was closed.  We went to Best Buy - it was closed.  We made it to a few stores but few people were shopping and no matter what the store was all the workers were huddled around the TVs.  By the time we got back to my Grandma's house my Mom and brother were there.  Then Chris came over and we spent the afternoon watching the news and making small talk.  And then all of a sudden a new state of panic set in for me...I realized that my friend John was there.  So I yelled "Mom!  John works in New York!"

John was one of my best friends from middle and high school and he had just moved to NYC a few months before.  We immediately called his Mom and her line was busy for hours. When we finally got through she assured us that he was okay but her phone had been ringing off the hook.  She told us that he called her after the first plane hit and was actually on the phone with her when the second plane hit.  John worked in a building across the street from towers.  I can only imagine how scary that must have been for her to know that her son was just a few feet from the attacks...or how scary it was for John watching it unfold.



........

America changed that day.  I changed that day.

When I think about it now it still feels fresh like it just happened but yet it's been 10 years.  Ten Years ago Chris and I had been dating less than five months.  It was before we were engaged, before we lived together, before we were married....before we ever thought we would own a house, or a dog, or have a child.  Ten Years.

I don't consider myself an overly patriotic person. I love America but I don't wear Red, White, and Blue and boast about how proud I am.  I'm almost annoyed when I see people wearing t-shirts with the Twin Towers on them with something that says "NEVER FORGET".  We don't need all these things reminding us....store displays, special versions of the American flag, song after song about it. I won't ever forget.  No one that saw what unfolded that day will ever forget.  It's engraved into our memory.

I don't like watching the news cover it now.  I don't want to see those planes fly into those buildings over and over and over again.  It doesn't change anything.  All it does is instill fear into people.  If I turn on the TV now I don't want my four year old daughter to see a plane flying into a building and having to explain to her what it was or why it happened. 

......

And while yesterday marked ten years ago that horrible tragedy happened I don't feel any different about it.  I feel the same about it EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR.  I couldn't believe when we marked the one year anniversary or the five year anniversary.  I hardly feel like ten years have passed and I'm sure I'll say the same thing at twenty years.

I don't understand when I hear someone say that Nine Eleven should be a holiday.  When I hear the words Nine Eleven...I do not think happy thoughts.  It makes me feel sad.  It makes me feel the way my Grandparents feel when they hear the words Pearl Harbor.  Or the way my parents feel when they hear Kennedy Assassination.  I actually remember that day more vividly than my wedding day.  It's not a day to celebrate. 

I had avoided the news all week because of the upcoming anniversary.  So last night as I sat on my couch with my husband and my daughter to watch the New York Jets play football...I reflected as all the service men and women pulled that flag across the field before the game.  I may not be overly patriotic but I do feel proud to see our flag and know that as a nation we overcame that tragedy that day.  And I even smiled as Ivy let out a very enthusiastic "Hey Look! America!" And I felt relieved that it is in our past and that my daughter hasn't had to see such tragedy yet.