Finally, 3 years later...Ivy's Birth Story

So it only took me 3 years to write this.  And I'm going to write very honestly.  I've shared my birth story with many friends and family members but I can't say that I've ever been completely honest and I've never written it down, but after reading birth stories on other blogs I've realized that I do need to write it down so that one day Ivy will be able to look at it and know what I went through to have her and how beautiful it was.

I'll start from the beginning.


March 2, 2007 - I came home from work and I was dog tired but I wanted Zaxby's for dinner.  I asked Chris to take me to Zaxby's and he said "I ate that for lunch."  To which I responded "Well how about you eat it for dinner too because I really want it."  He said no, this actually kind of turned into an argument which wasn't normal for us.  But it ended with me laying in the kitchen floor begging and crying like a two year old and I still ended up with no Zaxby's.  I remember very clearly thinking "What the heck is wrong with me?"  When I stopped crying like a maniac Chris came back in the kitchen and said "You're peeing on a stick in the morning and if your not pregnant I'm shootin' ya!"


March 3, 2007 - I peed on a stick and yep....2 pink lines....HOORAY!  We were so thrilled!  I thought I would want to shout it from the rooftops but I kinda liked it being our secret at the same time...but if you know Chris you know he can't keep secrets!  So we told our parents, siblings, and grandparents over the rest of the weekend and let the news trickle to everyone else like that.

March 6, 2007 - I was sitting at work talking casually with Dr. Choudhri when a terrible pain ripped across my abdomen.  Surely this couldn't be the gas pains everyone had told me about...it just didn't feel natural.  I held my breath and just smiled and shook my head through the rest of the conversation.  When he finally left for clinic I got up from my desk but I could barely walk.  I made it to the restroom and found my worst fear...blood.  I was sad, scared, angry, and embarrassed.  I was taken straight to the doctor's office but my regular doctor wasn't there.  I was examined and they prepared me for the worst and did an ultrasound.  As I laid there on that table I wondered how it was possible to love something so much when it was only a pink line.  They found the baby but no heart beat, I wasn't quite far enough along but I was told there was "cardiac flow"... HOPE!

March 15, 2007 - I was still having lots of bleeding and pain but they found the baby again and a heartbeat.  We felt a lot better.  They kept saying something during the ultrasound about another sack but we really never got a definition on what it was.  I got to see Dr. Irwin and she told us that sometimes this just happens during implantation and hopefully everything would be okay.  But Dr. Irwin is a no nonsense kind of lady and also told us that there was always a chance things wouldn't be ok and she didn't want to make us any promises or give us false hope.  But HOPE is what would get us through the next 7 months.  Little did we know this would be routine through  most of the pregnancy.  Bleeding, cramping, ultrasounds...multiple trips to the ER and doctor's office - luckily a heartbeat was always found.

7 weeks

March 22, 2007 - Still lots of bleeding and severe cramping but I had another ultrasound scheduled so it was just a matter of making it through the day until my appointment.  I was walking into work when I felt something strange.  It felt like something fell out of me.  I won't get too elaborate but my thoughts went to the worst possible thing.  I sucked it up and held out until I made it to my appointment.  I explained to Dr. Irwin what had happened and what it looked like and she sent me straight over to ultrasound and we were expecting the worse.  But much to our surprise there was our little butterbean with a strong heartbeat...HOPE.  Chris and I think we lost a twin that day but there is no way to really say for sure but we still wonder about "What if?"  All of my pain stopped after that...I still had lots of bleeding but no more pain.

8 weeks

I went to the doctor weekly and had ultrasounds almost as often.  I disconnected myself from the pregnancy because I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't going work out.  I remember laying in the bed one night and I just cried and cried and cried.  I was so mad and upset and I told Chris that I  just wished it was over.  I was selfish and I was tired of dealing with it.  If I wasn't suppose to have this baby then why was this taking so long for the inevitable to happen.


April 19, 2007 - Chris was out of town with his job and I had to go to the doctor.  I was so scared going to that appointment because I was sure that it was going to be the one where they told me it was over and my husband wasn't there to hold my hand.  I had an ultrasound and a placenta previa was found.  I was given strict instructions... no heavy lifting, running, working out, etc.  Bed rest was even discussed  and I asked if that would keep the previa from rupturing or prevent me from losing the pregnancy and Dr. Irwin said no...so I said I wanted to keep working.

12 weeks

The baby seemed to be growing on track but things were going to be tricky.   I almost decided not to find out the sex of the because of all the problems.  I was worried that it would make it harder if things didn't work out.  But we decided that we wanted to know and we found out it was girl in May.   Finding out it was a girl and picking her name made things a little bit more real but I still felt disconnected, the previa was still there and so I still braced for the worse.  I acted happy and smiled but my mind and heart were clouded with worry.  I had no peace.  I wanted so badly to be excited about the pregnancy and the arrival of a new born but I just wasn't.  I finally started gaining weight and had to buy maternity clothes but it only made it harder on me to deal with the fact that things might not work out.

17 weeks

17 weeks

20, 22, and 24 weeks

Finally in July when I was at 28 weeks we had an ultrasound and I was hoping for the best because my bleeding had finally stopped.  It showed that the previa had cleared and Ivy's growth was still normal.  It was sweet relief.  I cried because I finally felt like I could breathe and prepare for her arrival.  I finally agreed to register and let people give baby showers.  I was excited but I felt like I had lost so much bonding time.  I had gotten to experience so many wonderful things from the pregnancy but I hadn't really gotten to enjoy them.  Other than all the bleeding and worrying I had felt relatively good and comfortable.

28 weeks - yes that's her leg and foot in front of her face.

 After the ultrasound in July we went to North Carolina to celebrate and I had my first baby shower.  I felt happy and relaxed.  I was in my third trimester but after losing so much bonding time I started doubting if I would be a good mom....could I really love this little girl as much as she deserved?

28 weeks - taken at Valle Crucis Park

Everyone told me that the last trimester would go by quick...I felt like it took forever.  I watched my belly grow and grow but I didn't feel like I was actually going to have a baby or at least have my baby.  Then around 32 weeks when everything finally seemed to be going smoothly Ivy decided to flip.  Yep.  She was now breech.  We discussed scheduling a C-section around the time that I would be 39 weeks but I really didn't want to.  I asked if we could just wait since I had several weeks left.  Dr. Irwin agreed but said we would have to seriously discuss it if she hadn't flipped by 36 weeks because she might not have enough room to flip after that.

32 weeks

34 weeks

At 36 weeks I felt like there was no possible way I could be pregnant any longer.  I finally started to feel uncomfortable.  I went in for an appointment at 37 weeks and Ivy wasn't breech anymore...she was transverse.  Apparently this was just as bad.  I still didn't want to schedule a C-section because I felt like it just wasn't right for me and I wanted to wait until it was my only option.  We decided to wait 1 more week.  I remember Dr. Irwin clearing saying "We'll meet on Monday and set something up for Tuesday because I really don't think you're gonna go into labor.  I really just don't think your body is ready yet but you could make a liar out of me."  I was supposed to see Dr. Irwin on Monday, October 22nd and we would set up something for Tuesday, October 23rd.  Either a C-section or induction based on Ivy's position.  I had an end in sight...my daughter's birthday would be October 23, 2007.  But Ivy had other plans.

2 days before Ivy was born - referred to as "The Torpedo"

I had been lucky throughout my pregnancy with the "normal" problems....morning sickness, back pain, etc. So when I suddenly had extreme low back pain I was shocked and just thought I had over done it. It was Saturday, October 20th. Chris and I had done a belly cast that morning and I had spent most of the day doing laundry and basic house cleaning that I always did on the weekend. It was nothing that I would consider "nesting"....Chris on the other hand was "nesting". He mopped all the floors, cleaned all the bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned out his man building and then decided that he needed to scrub the inside of our fire place...as in he took the doors off and got inside the fire place with a brush and soapy water. I laid on the couch and giggled while I watched him. As I was laying on the couch I had a strange feeling. I sat up and ran to the bathroom and I was totally grossed out...Chris said "What's wrong?" to which I responded "Ummmm, I think I just lost my mucous plug." I quickly went and got my book and it said that labor could be anywhere form 2 hours to 2 weeks away. I didn't think anything of it really, I just laid back down on the couch because there hadn't been an progression towards labor at my last appointment.

Later that afternoon we went to eat at Red Robin, I requested a booth because they always sit us at a high table with bar stool type chairs. They sat us in the smallest booth possible! I just looked at the hostess with a look of shock on my face. I could not even face the table! I guess she failed to notice the torpedo protruding from my abdomen! So as I sat crooked in the booth and ate my Whiskey River BBQ chicken sandwich.  I asked Chris if we could go to Babies R Us because we had decided at the last minute to get a bassinet to put by our bed in case I did have a C-section so I wouldn't have to walk all the way to the nursery. I also wanted to get a few baskets to organize some things.  When dinner was over and we walked to the car Chris said "lets not go to Babies R Us, I'm tired."  I had a meltdown...one very similar to the Zaxby's one.  So I got my way and we went.

I was sitting on the floor in the nursery organizing things when my back started to ache really bad.  I told Chris that I had over done it and I was going to bed.  I laid down in the bed and I swear as soon as my head hit the pillow at 11:00 I had my first contraction.  Holy Smokes!  It took my breath away.  They were instantly 7 minutes apart.  I was scared.  I didn't tell Chris but my tossing and turning kept him up all night.  He kept asking if I was okay and I kept saying yes but he knew better.  Neither of us got any sleep.

The next morning I got up at 7 and started doing laundry.  My contractions were 5 minutes apart.  This couldn't be happening is all I could think.  Dr. Irwin was out of town and I was suppose to have Ivy on Tuesday!  Chris went outside and was building something.  I just remember all his saws were out and there was wood and sawdust everywhere.  Mom called me around 12:15 and asked if I still wanted to ride to the store with her.  I said "No I don't think so.  I'm having some pretty strong contractions."  To which her reply was "WHAT?!?!?!?"  I hung up with Mom and decided that I couldn't try to ignore this anymore.  I went outside and said "Chris I think we need to go to the hospital"...he looked at me shocked and said "Really?  Are you sure?".

I took a shower while he cleaned up outside.  He took a shower and I brushed my teeth about 15 times, I don't know why but brushing my teeth when I'm stressed always makes me feel better.  The contractions were really strong and only 4 minutes apart and they were at least one minute long.  We called the hospital and they said to come in but since this was my first be prepared to go back home.

I was checked into the hospital at 1:15 pm and it was quickly determined that I would not be going back home.  I got all the monitors strapped to me and the background music in the room became Ivy's heart beat.  An ultrasound machine was brought in and Ivy was still sideways.  Chris turned on the TV and the JETS were playing.  Sounds funny but I wanted to watch it...the JETS are my favorite team and I never get to watch them on TV.  Chris didn't want me to watch it...he said everyone would think he was a bad husband because football was on.  I didn't care...the JETS made me feel better.

I met with the on call doctor and I was asked if I wanted an epidural.  "Yes please" was my response.  I was given all the information about the epidural and lab work was drawn.  I was worried about getting it too soon but I was already 5 cm dilated.  The ultrasound machine was brought in again about an hour later and Ivy was now head down.  Finally!  I felt relieved.  I'm so glad I didn't jump on the C-section wagon when I first got there.  Things progressed really quickly and I was in a lot of pain.  Chris commented on how good I was doing but I had prepared myself for the pain of labor and I felt like I was handling it well too.  What I had not prepared for however was having a baby without and epidural.

The doctor came back in again and I was at 8 cm...she said it probably wouldn't be much longer and she would check on the epidural.  I was laying there in the bed when all of a sudden I felt it.  Pain like I had never felt before.  I said "I think my water just broke..." to which the nurse responded "Yep and I'm not surprised because you are having really strong contractions right on top of each other."  I don't remember saying much else other than "When am I getting my epidural?"  The response from my nurse was "It's too late sweetie."  I PANICKED!!!!!  My face and arms went numb, I wanted to cry but couldn't, I couldn't talk anymore and I felt like I couldn't breathe.  Chris did really good bless his heart!  He was my rock after that.  He never let go of my hand (probably because I was gripping it so hard).  The doctor came back in.  They kept rolling me from one side to the other because I kept holding my breath.  I wanted to kill them every time they moved me.  They put an oxygen mask on me to help. I was sweating and all I could see was people rushing around.

All of a sudden I heard "Don't Push!  Don't Push!" and I remember thinking "Really???  You really think I'm pushing???  I have absolutely no control at this point lady!"  Ivy was coming out whether any of us were ready or not.  Then when they instructed me to push Ivy's heart rate dropped really low...I don't remember how low but I know there was lots of yelling for the pediatric team and then about twenty people rushed in the room.  I was scared!  I kept looking at Chris and he kept telling me how good I was doing and it was going to be ok.  There was another doctor on the other side of me holding my other hand.  She was telling me everything as it was about to happen.  She actually said rather calmly "You're going to feel some burning but that's good."  (Later Chris told me he wanted to shout at her "Lady burn and good don't go in the same sentence!")  I remember thinking how is this possible?  How am I doing this?  How are women this strong?  I was pushing another life out of me.  Chris just kept saying "You're doing it Marti!  You're doing it!"  and then I heard "We got a head full of dark hair!"  Then one final push and she was out and laying on top of me.

I looked down at her.  All I saw was the top of her head and I remember still feeling disconnected.  I was in shock.  Why do I feel this way?  I couldn't cry, I couldn't smile.  I looked at Chris and he had tears in his eyes and he said "You did it!  She's here!"  I looked back down at Ivy and a reached down and touched her little head.  She instantly moved her head back and looked straight up at me.  Our eyes locked.  All I saw was big dark deep eyes starring straight into my soul.  She didn't cry, she just made little grunting noises.  And I swear as she looked at me she was saying "Mom, that wasn't cool what just happened...lets not do that again, ok?"  And I then I felt it...I was a Mom and we were bonding and I knew I would do anything in my power to protect her.   

Chris just kept kissing the side of my face and I kept starring at her in awe.  Chris watched the whole thing.  I was so scared he would pass out.  But he manned up.  He was strong and he was my rock the whole time.  He never seemed scared.  I couldn't have done it without him.

They they took her off me and made sure her breathing and heart rate were ok.  They laid her on the little table and cleaned her up.  Then she sneezed and sneezed hard (just like her Daddy).  We all giggled and then she started crying.  They laid her on the scale and she was a healthy 6 pounds and 12 ounces, she was 19 inches long, she had dark hair, big dark eyes, and a cute little pug nose.

Then after all the glorious after-you-push-a-baby-outta-your-body stuff that had to be done, I got to hold her.  I kissed her, smelled her, stared at her, rubbed my fingers across her face, studied her little fingers and toes.  Then my nurse said "Do you want to nurse her?"  Nursing was something that I had been on the fence about.  I knew it was best for her but I had heard all the stories about how hard it was and how everyone gave up.  I tend to be an all or nothing girl but I had decided in the later part of my pregnancy that I would a least try it.  And I must say it was a very natural thing for me and Ivy.  It went perfect almost immediately and I am so grateful for nursing because it helped us bond in a very special way.  And after I nursed her that first time I truly felt at peace and I knew that this Mom thing was gonna work out for me.  I was filled with HOPE.  Hope for Ivy and hope for our future.

I finally allowed people to come in the room and everyone got to see her.  And then as unnatural as it felt for me to hand her over so that she could go to the nursery to be examined I did it.  My Mom went to get Chris some food, Chris went to the nursery with her for some pictures and I sat and talked with my Dad.  I felt happy.  It was surreal, I couldn't believe I was where I was and I had just pushed a little human from my body and I was officially "Mom" and Chris was "Dad".  I just laid there thinking "WOW!"  What an amazing experience.  And as scared as I was when I realized I wasn't going to get that epidural I'm glad it went the way it did.  I recovered very quickly and everything seemed to be perfect.

Then after everyone was gone and the lights were turned out and it was just us, our family of 3, I cried.  Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of how-could-I-have-been-so-selfish-?.  But I got it out of my system and spent most of the night just staring at her and nursing her.  I only put her down when they brought me food or someone was sent in to take her to the nursery for a few minutes.  She slept on my chest and snuggled her little nose in my neck and I could feel her breathing.  I couldn't quit smelling her, touching her, just looking at her in amazement and trying to take it all in.  I already couldn't imagine her not being with us.

She truly is my HOPE.